i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
