he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
