before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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