he wants to bone in the snuggie
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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