sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
