Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize