Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
