his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
