You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
