despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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