Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
