Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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