Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize