I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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