The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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