Jerry, you need to find god
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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