After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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