The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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