Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Randomize
