Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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