You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize