its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she peed on how many people?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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