There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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