i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
