What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
