you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
