Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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