My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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