Got a toothbrush?
are you so shy because you have an std?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize