Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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