he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
