I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize