I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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