proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
