He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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