Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
