p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize