I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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