I can tuck mytits in my pants
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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