I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize