i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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