i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Randomize
