I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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