definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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