the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
