I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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