i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
