I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
