all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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