Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
