Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
