Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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