She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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