Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
