Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
