he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize