break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
