Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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