it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
