The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
