Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
