My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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