my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
