Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
