Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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