Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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