The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
