i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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