omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
