I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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