Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
